GIRL CRUSH Philadelphia
On Saturday morning I woke up early and drove to Philadelphia for an art workshop and tea party run by Danielle Krysa aka The Jealous Curator and hosted by Shauna Alterio aka one half Something’s Hiding in Here. Both women are in-cred-ible. Truth.
It was one of those experiences that I’m pretty sure has changed me forever. I mean, you can’t really spend a day with genuinely supportive, creative and honest folks and walk away without some major imprint on your soul, now can you?
When I sat down to do this wrap up, I figured I’d post a few cute pictures and a short little write up. But then I thought, you know what? I’m going to pay this honest thing forward.
This year has been a remarkable journey for me. I have grown in ways I never imagined and this scares the crap out of me. I’ve always flown under the radar. My comfort zone is in never being known too well. I mean, yeah sure, I ‘put myself out there’ but not really. In the past I’ve held back. A lot. You see, I love feeling comfortable with not being too visible and yet, it’s the very thing that has choked me.
This year, there’s been an earthquake-sized shift in that regard. I’ve gone out of my way to be seen (by being more open here, attending conferences, Girl Crush, teaching classes and even starting a creative blogger meet up here in Baltimore).
When something goes well for me, I’m flooded with fear. Like truly, that fight or flight response. I panic. I, no joke, feel an overwhelming need to run and hide in the woods. People, I can’t tell you how grossed out I am by ticks and how much I fear wildlife. Wild creatures are unpredictable. One minute you’re having a nice little picnic, the next, a bear eats you. Or something like that.
So given my preference for shacking up with snakes, ticks, spiders and other forest dwellers that give me nightmares (FUNGI! ACK!) over being seen, I think you can see how much success freaks me the [expletive] out.
And yet, this year, I’ve kept moving forward. Maybe because the fear of failure or not doing what I’m driven to do scares me even more. Or maybe I’m driven by a compulsion I don’t quite understand.
But when I meet another woman who feels trapped or creatively unfulfilled, I see who I was not so many years ago. I want to take her (me) by the hand and say, I promise, you will get through this. It will scare you, you’ll feel pain, there may even be times you feel shattered. Actually, there will be many times where you feel shattered, but if you start putting one foot in front of the other, your journey will lead somewhere fascinating.
Taking that first step was a giant leap for me. And honestly, I’m still unsure what I’m doing most days. But there is one thing I do know, I’m going to keep stepping forward.