Happiness as a Skill That Can be Taught? Let’s Discuss!

by , posted on February 20th, 2013 in Features



what-to-focus-on

Are you familiar with the field of positive psychology? After watching Happy last summer, reading this today and thinking about Stefan Sagmeister’s talk last month at Alt, I feel as though I’m being conked on the head with the idea of happiness. So I posed the question I’m about to ask you on facebook and my friends jumped on it lighting quick. Love those guys!

So let’s discuss: Do you think happiness is a skill that can be taught?

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ps. Here’s what my friends had to say…

-Everything is learned. If you’re glum all the time, your children learn to be glum all the time. The thing that is damaging for kids is to not learn happiness—it makes it more difficult to work it out in the future.

-My feeling is that the cultivation of happiness can be developed/learned. A natural bent towards seeing the happy side of things?? A tough discipline if you’re not born that way.

-Was just reading this

-I do think it’s a decision. A part of life for all of us is dealing with struggles. They come to each of us in different forms and wearing different masks, but they seem to be present in all of our lives. So… I think I’ve found that happiness is a choice. I look at Micheal J Fox, for example, and see how profoundly optimistic he is even though he lives and struggles daily with Parkinson’s disease. He inspires me. People like that and I study them and ask how do they arrive in that place? I think it’s a choice. And, we have to “practice” happy and not be afraid to show love because in love is happiness.

-Totally agree. Happiness is a habit and a state of mind.

-absolutely! i know that for myself the big challenge was feeling comfortable in a space that is happy and not chaotic/unhappy/etc


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10 Responses to “Happiness as a Skill That Can be Taught? Let’s Discuss!”

  1. Carla Says:

    February 20th, 2013 at 11:48 am

    I completely agree that it can be learned and cultivated. The hardest part for me is dealing with others who are always negative. I do my best to surround myself with happy people but its not always possible (work and family come to mind). Although my city was on the top 15 happiest so it shouldn’t be that hard :). Thank you for starting this discussion I can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say.

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    Jennifer Cooper Reply:
    February 20th, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Carla, I’m like a sponge, I absorb the emotions of those around me. So if you’re down, I get down. It’s okay sometimes, because that’s life right? Not always rosy. But I can’t operate from a sustained level of negativity effectively. It’s not what drives me.

    So I made a conscious decision to avoid negativity. It’s going to occur naturally, and I’ll deal with it when it comes my way, but I’m not going to go out and look for it. It’s just not what drives me.

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    rachael {imagine gnats} Reply:
    February 20th, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    i’m with you both on picking up the moods of people around me. i find that if i’m being mindful or my surroundings and how they are affecting me, it’s easier to stay separate, though still not always possible.

    and after commenting on fb, i thought of a book about happiness i like “Hector and the Search for Happiness” by Francois Lelord. it’s simple and sweet, and (i think) worth a read :)

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    Jennifer Cooper Reply:
    February 20th, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    ps. Here’s a link to a brain pickings article a friend sent me. I thought it was brilliant: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/02/05/how-to-stay-sane-philippa-perry/

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  2. Caroline Says:

    February 20th, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    You know, I’ve been in a funk lately so this is an amazing discussion and it was much needed for me. Generally speaking I’m a very optimistic person but I’ve struggled with an on-going heart condition that’s worsened lately and it’s been kind of crappy experience for me. That being said, I think the “pro” of all of that is that it’s made me really appreciate this life. And the people that I share this life with. In my darkest moments I feel I wont have enough time here and that scares me, but in my most optimistic moments I feel thankful for everything and I just want to go around making people laugh and other silly things. But I guess through it all, I’ve learned that all we really have in this life is each other. And it’s never wrong to offer love and support and we can never be too generous with kindness.

    But I also think it’s okay to NOT feel happy sometimes. I mean, I think we need those shadowy moments to have perspective. Just some more thoughts…loved this discussion, Jen.

    [Reply]

    Jennifer Cooper Reply:
    February 20th, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Definitely to the shadowy moments. They are a part of life, the other side of the coin. You’re experiencing that now.

    And yes, it’s okay to feel those darker emotions. Everything you feel is okay—anger, jealousy, joy, grief, elation. Emotions are part of the human condition and denying that we feel any one of them isn’t healthy. It’s also lying.

    It’s when unhappiness becomes a pattern or a way of seeing the world that it enters the negativity space I’m talking about avoiding.

    For instance when my kids have a bad day and they feel down, I let them feel down. But when it starts spiraling into “and then this bad thing happened, and this bad thing, and here’s another” (I’m sure you’ve seen people do this—all of the negative things begin unlocking at once, I call it kicthen-sinking it) I try to help them break that cycle.

    I guess what I want to say is I don’t want to give you the impression I’m for suppressing any emotion other than happiness. What I want to say is that I wonder if we can teach ourselves skills to work through darker emotions more quickly. Fully, but more quickly so we don’t feel ‘stuck.’

    One other thing to say is I don’t know that negative people have the awareness that they’re even being negative all the time so for some, the conversation may be moot.

    [Reply]

    Jennifer Cooper Reply:
    February 20th, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    ps. I’m glad you mentioned it being okay to feel unhappy. It’s an important point to bring up!

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  3. Caroline Says:

    February 20th, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Jen, you nailed it. All extremely excellent points.

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  4. Melanie Says:

    February 20th, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Jen + Caroline – Yes! Striving for positivity/happiness/optimism is totally different from forcing happiness/trying to avoid feeling the way you really feel. I love this topic, and both of you. xo

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  5. Sandra Says:

    February 20th, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Agree about accepting the shadow side. If you try to “tra la la” it and suppress them, they just leak out anyways.

    It’s not about having happy as the norm but being with whatever we feel and like you noted Jen, not letting the darker emotions drag us down.

    Going from being as glass half empty to a glass half full. Neither glass is 100% full but one view is a much healthier way to live.

    [Reply]

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